Slippin’


I can’t believe it.

Not a single like on my last post….deep. Is this the end of a love affair?? Is it something I said?

So much craziness going on. I don’t even want to go there. I was reading this post on Reddit about how people found out their significant other was cheating on them. I was tempted to drop the story there but I figured I’d share with you. Before I begin, I have to state that this is just one of a few situations where I was cheated on but this was one of the most damaging.

I met this woman online towards the end of my downward spiraling marriage. Thing is, it wasn’t even something that I even took seriously at the time. We met in a chat room. She was going through some shit with her boyfriend. She had 2 kids by him and he was fucking around with some other chick, not coming home, beating on her..all that. She was very articulate, intelligent and not bad looking. Everyone said she looked like Jennifer Connelly (she did). In the beginning it was just a sharing of the souls kind of thing. She lived in Australia and I was all but divorced living a miserable isolated life. It seemed safe because of the distance. We talked for 2 years before we agreed we needed to meet. Being the one with the means, I booked a trip to Hawaii and had her meet me there. We hit it off immediately, like literally at the airport. The whole thing was surreal. Things just progressed from there. I spent time in Australia and she here. It had gotten so serious that we were trying to work out who would move so we could live together.  There was the whole situation with her kids. Their father was being a dick about letting them coming to the states. He had moved and had gotten married. His new wife was also pregnant. So I’m like, what’s the deal? Let it go. I’m not trying to replace him as their father but I would be responsible for them as if they were my own. Sooo..one trip to Australia, we both decided to get tattoos. It was a first for both of us. I got one on my shoulder and she got one on her lower back..a blue dragon. During that trip, her ex was being extremely dickish and pestering. He kept texting her nonsense. It got so bad that we got into a heated argument over it. I was like why are you even responding to him? The kids were at her mom’s so if he needed any info on them, he should call her.. (red flag). Anyway, we patched things up and I proceeded to find a house for us. When she came here, to check it out, I didn’t see the same enthusiasm that she had all along about our future. I chalked it up to having to face the reality of leaving home for real. It wasn’t until she went home that I found out why. One day I was online looking at her Myspace page and I saw comments from him. So I took a look at his page. In his pictures was a shot of her tattoo..taken from her naked body. I fucking lost it. I confronted her with it and she just confessed and said that they’d slept together. I was devastated. Then came the bomb. She was pregnant. If there are levels of done, I was at the ultimate level of completely and utterly done. That shit hurt but in retrospect, I have to consider myself fortunate that it happened when it did. She could have lied and said the kid was mine (he was Black also). I dodged a nuclear bomb to be honest.

Ok so, as usual I will share some music with you. A new tune and remixes of some older takes

 

 

Hurricane of Bullshit


What’s up people? As always it’s been a minute. I hope this post finds you in good health.

Racism
You know where I’m going today. I try not to be political. Actually, I wouldn’t consider it political..more like a candid observation. Unless you are fortunate and have amnesia or a tumor, you know all about Donald Trump. If you’re a fan, you should probably stop here and get a taco instead. I am not. Never have been. I am from NY. We know him well. If you don’t know anything about his background there, just google the Central Park 5. I have been in a state of total disbelief and angst since the election. Now before you mentally label me, just know that I don’t subscribe to any political party. Political parties suck. I don’t wear labels. I prefer to base my opinions on facts and my own interpretation of them. If you disagree with me, that’s cool. You’re entitled to your wrong opinion. LOL. Seriously though, people immediately get defensive if you identify with a political party they don’t like. Shit’s gotten to the point of religious fervor. People are so brainwashed by propaganda that they can’t think straight anymore. I feel like I’m in some kind of science fiction movie. Regardless of platform, I can’t believe people voted for that clown. My shoe has more sense than he does. Dude is literally the equivalent of a crooked used car salesman with access to the nuclear codes. Scary shit if you ask me. This guy has given motivation to some very fucked up people in our society. Those Nazi bastards are feeling pretty empowered as of late. They’ll still get their asses kicked but nonetheless you don’t want to encourage their brand of hate. I don’t get how you can hate someone you’ve never met that has done nothing to you and treat them fucked up simply because they were birthed on a different spot on this ball of mud or have a different shade of skin. We all know that’s really just low self-esteem showing its ugly head. You can’t give these people any light. They need to stay in the dark..silenced. Stupid only breeds stupid. We’ve been through this before. The end result will be the same.

Houston
Seeing some of the stories out of Houston remind me of how much we take for granted. When you go through your day to day rituals of life, the last thing you think of is what to do if it all came crashing down. I’m sure that so many people have been traumatized by this disaster and are lost as to what to do next. It annoys me to see the politicians looking to score points on the misery of others instead of helping their situation. I’m seeing reports that some are proposing tying disaster aid to Texas to the debt ceiling legislation. It boggles the mind that one could be so callous and indifferent to those poor people who have already suffered enough.
To add insult to insult, you have Joel Osteen, vulture of the religious, not offering people a place to take shelter in that big ass money trap called a church. After the outrage started making headlines, he gets on TV with that shit eating grin and plays victim. The slick bastard appeared in front of a green screen to make it look like he was on site. What gets me is that even though he’s been exposed, after this dies down people will be flocking to him emptying out their life savings. Not to go on another rant but religion is bullshit. Why would a deity that created the entire universe with a thought need you to donate money? What the fuck does a god need money for? The church fosters guilt in its followers just so that it can take advantage of their need for absolution. It is nothing more than manipulation, just like politics.

As we here in the US focus on the disaster in Houston, there are so many other people around the world that are suffering from floods. The effects of climate change are becoming more and more devastating. Big oil is going to make sure that people are mislead and kept in the dark as to their role in the massive loss of life across this planet.

It will only be a matter of time before the lie has nowhere to hide..

A Share
I don’t have any musical offerings today but I have a couple of short videos I put together that I posted on my Instagram feed (@THP_PIX) and hosted on Vimeo

This is a tribute to my dear friend Lira aka Lola the Showgirl. She recently decided to drop from Twitter and IG. Whatever reasons, she is missed and I hope her journey is fruitful:

 

Lira from The Hargett Project on Vimeo.

This is a tribute to Nigerian model Uche Mba. I wanted to do soomething to celebrate women of color that do not get the mainstream exposure they deserve

Uche from The Hargett Project on Vimeo.

In that same spirit, another celebration of beauty

Beauty Is In The I from The Hargett Project on Vimeo.

 

Swing an episode..


Clinical depression is very hard to make people understand sometimes. Anyone that suffers from it knows exactly where I’m going. Having to explain that it isn’t “being sad”. That you have no control over what I call “episodes”. I have learned to manage them to a certain degree. During these phases I am especially keen on emotional triggers that can intensify that feeling of dread and emptiness. I find that certain distractions can help. Walks and fresh air help to some degree. I go through this mantra where I repeat in my head that what I am experiencing is not emotion but a reaction to chemical stimuli. That distinction helps me to make it to the other side. It is not foolproof. There are times when I become overwhelmed and I have to let go. It is frightening because I don’t want to get to a place where I want to hurt myself. I’ve been there. Once a very long time ago, I tried to end my life but luckily I was too stupid and just ended up very sick. I have to be conscious of the paths my mind can take. For me it helps to stay present but distracted. Weed helps but I have to be very selective on what I’m smoking. For those of you that don’t know this, not all weed is the same. Some can actually trigger depression. You have to know your body if you’re using weed as therapy. This is why I feel it is imperative that we legalize and make weed available to everyone so that they can educate and identify the strains that are best for them. Orgasms help. They release endorphins that help counteract your imbalance. This is a tough one though. It’s hard to get in the mood for sex or masturbate when you feel like there’s a hole in your soul.

Why am I going on about this? Well, yesterday I was posting some old videos on Instagram that I was unable to publish because of their new copyright policy. I found out that if you just sign that you are not in violation, then they will repost. I’m not trying to profit and I give credit to the artist in my tags so I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Anyway, I found this video I put together when I was feeling particularly emo over missing people that I have lost in my life. I decided to publish it but I was in the beginning phase of an episode and that shit hit me hard. I deleted it but I was triggered and I knew I was in trouble if I couldn’t clear my mind. I decided to knock myself out with a couple of glasses of wine (this is dangerous by the way). I have a low threshold so I knew it wouldn’t take much to get me drowsy. I managed after a few hours to go to sleep but I had fucked up dreams and woke up having slept with my bracelet on. I had my hand under my face and the metal had been pressing on the bone surrounding my eye socket. I was like wtf. That shit hurt. I was still feeling out of it. I tried to front it off but it wasn’t working. I should have taken the day off but I decided to work anyway. Bad move. Plus I was kinda fucked up to people that I care about so that wasn’t helpful either. It’s taken me a whole 24 hours to get where I am now where it’s manageable. I just wanted to share with the hopes that someone else out there might benefit from knowing they are not alone and maybe, just maybe it will strengthen their resolve.

So in the spirit of happy thoughts and appreciation, I have this little video I found that I have posted before..somewhere. It’s a mini tribute to some of my Tweeps that are dear to me.

Horatio’s Philosophy


Hi gang.

It’s been crazy as usual. Trying to prepare myself for this blizzard. That’s what I get for thinking Winter was over. Technically we still have another week, so I guess it’s going out with a bang.

A few things are happening. The most important is that I’m going to be using this site full time now. The company hosting my current site, Flavors.me, is going out of business. Can’t say that I’m surprised as their service sucked. The configuration options were pretty rudimentary and there were a lot of times when my content was stale. I complained quite a bit about that. I did the best that I could with it. I got some traffic but I never really got into developing it like I’d anticipated. Actually the same can be said of this site but that was more due to being busy, lazy or non-committed. That is about to change. I dunno though..do people really consume blogs like they used to? Seems to me everyone is into micro-blogging, ie Twitter these days. People are so used to instant gratification. No one seems to savor anything anymore. It’s all gimme gimme next!

I often wonder how the changes in social media and interaction affect the ability of people to be social. The allure of anonymity, the rapid spread of apathetic callous behavior has resulted in a dissonant fractured society in my opinion. People are forgetting how to be people. While social issues are given more awareness, the connections between us are becoming more fragile and less appealing. People are withdrawing into themselves.

The other day, I was going out to the store. I was looking for a jacket to wear that didn’t make me look as fat as I’ve become. I tossed on a few and decided to go with my trusty hoodie. After I’d driven a block and crossed the light, I realized that I didn’t have my phone. I’d left it in one of the jackets I’d tried on. For a moment I thought I should head back but then I questioned myself as to why. I was only going to the store. Why would I need my phone? That got me to thinking about how addicted I’d become. It was as if something was missing. Like I’d left without a part of me. As I processed that thought I suddenly realized that I was more in tune with what was going on around me. It was a very strange feeling. Almost like reliving the past. This, I said to myself, is how I used to be. This is me. Holy shit, who have I become? It was an epiphany but a short lived one. As soon as I got home, I was right back to being attached to it, having to respond to texts that I’d missed from an in progress conversation and explaining my lapse.

Another thing that I noticed is that people don’t call each other anymore. What ever happened to the good old conversation? I’m a yapper by nature. Talking is what I do best. Texting, not so good. It loses the nuance. I fucking miss nuance. Text very often gets misinterpreted and I spend a lot of time explaining what I mean by what I’m saying. It very often leads to misunderstandings that I would rather not have to navigate.

Anyway, I just thought I’d let those of you that suffer through my posts that I will be relocating my primary site here. That means you will be hearing and seeing much more of me from now on. In that spirit I am so grateful for your interest and I hope there will be beautiful partnerships as a result.

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Are we there yet?


2016 will go down as the year of WTF. Seriously, WTF 2016? I know you’re probably as tired as I am talking about the election but it’s just that incredible. It’s got me literally walking around looking at people asking myself, are you high? We have no choice but to let it play itself out at this point. I’m embarrassed to tell the rest of the world I’m an American right now.

In any case, I hope all is well with you. I wasn’t quite done with the summer yet but fall is upon us now. It’s a favorite time of year for me because of the colors of the foliage. It’s a shame it only lasts for a few weeks. I am not looking forward to winter.

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This was from a week or two ago. The leaves are almost all down now. When the weather is nice it’s really peaceful back here. I have so much work to do for next year. I want to plant some more flowers. I read this article about the disappearing bee population. It turns out that we have been responsible for this (as usual). Bees need a variety of flora. That is how they feed and take care of themselves. We have gotten so into grassy yards, we have practically eliminated all the native species of plants that they thrive on. My goal is to re-populate my yard with many varieties of flowers and things like clover. I’m already the person with the most trees on their property. Most of my neighbors have cleared most of their plots. I don’t get why people don’t realize that trees are vital to our survival and to the ecosystem.

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The down side to having all these trees is the leaf clean up. I’ve already hurt my back from being too aggressive cleaning them up. I sit on my ass way too many hours of the day and I over compensate trying to get exercise by doing yard work. It can be a hassle but it invigorates me.

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I was in the city a few weeks ago on the East Side. I was standing on this corner and for some reason a flood of memories overcame me from all my years I spent growing up there. Just so much of my life was here and now I feel like a tourist. It’s been 17 years since I left NY. A lot has changed. It’s kinda weird going there now because it’s like I know where I am but everything has changed. You don’t really appreciate it while you’re there. It’s gradual and subtle but continuous. It’s not until you’re away for a long time that you really see how different it is. What’s always fascinated me is that there are millions of people here but everyone walks past each other in silence. People only interact if forced to.

When you think about all the politics and bullshit going on in the world, it’s like none of it applies to real life on the street. It’s always been and always will be about people going on about their daily lives. A lot of the shit we go through as a society is the work of a very few people. People generally just want to live in peace.

So I’ve been very touched by the level of appreciation I have been getting across the board for my works. People are enjoying my photos and music. This is very special for me. It feels like I am connecting on another level with people. Being able to express yourself is amazing. I strongly encourage you to do the same regardless of what you feel people may think. Expressing yourself brings you closer to yourself. It forces you to ask the question of who you really are.

I decided to organize some of my music by type. It’s kinda difficult since my mission was to blur the lines between genres, so I decided to break them into groups based on the moods I feel they represent. I’m hoping it will allow people to sample more of my music that they may like. To that end,  here’s some stuff i collected I hope you will enjoy. Try listening with headphones for the best experience.

Recap of the recap


LOL. This title because it reminds me of someone I work with that excessively paranoid about what we are expected to say in future meetings. He feels we need to have prep meetings for meetings then recaps of meetings, hence a recap of the recap.

It’s been a while since my last post. I think maybe I’ll stop saying that because that tends to be the case most of the time. So, what’s going on? Since my last post I have completely abandoned my efforts to maintain a vegetarian lifestyle. As expected, the results have not been good. I’ve put on weight again and I feel like shit. This is compounded by the fact that I fell in the shower a few weeks ago and busted my ass. My back is destroyed. I can’t walk longer than 10 minutes at a time without having to sit down. I am working on this it’s not going as smoothly as I would have anticipated. For exercise, i’ve been taking daily walks in the park which brings me too my current situation. I took a few days off from work and I’ve been spending some of that time just relaxing and enjoying being home. Right now I am in Princeton sitting in front of Schiede Caldwell House (don’t ask), people watching. It’s a fairly overcast day. It looks like it may rain but apparently there’s no rain in the forecast. It being early fall I came down here to see if I could get some pictures. There are some really beautiful side streets that have canopies of trees over them. It’s a little early so I have to come back later.

I have a few things that I want to get off my chest as it may be. The first of which has to do with politics. My political position would be labeled as liberal I guess. I don’t do groups. I feel for any given problem you need to attack it based on independent non-biased thought, not an agenda formed by other peoples opinions. I don’t like labels because no one remains the same from day today and it’s illogical to form summary opinions about people.

My issue is with Donald Trump. Not the fact that he represents a given political view, it is because I don’t even think he should be in the conversation. He’s completely unqualified. You don’t have to go far to find any number of reasons why that is the case. I’m from New York originally , so I’m familiar with his bullshit whereas as people cross the country may only know him by name and the Trump brand. That guy is such a loser. I’m not saying this because of his political affiliation, I’m saying it because it’s true. The sad thing is that people are allowing that group mentality to override their sense of logic. What’s weird is that at the beginning of the campaigns, no one took him seriously, not even his own party, but as time passed, that slowly became irrelevant. I may have serious disagreements with some of the other candidates, but I would consider most of them more competent to be a president than this guy (except for Michelle Bachmann..she’s a bona fide nut case). It seems to me also that the Republican Party is attracting a lot of nut jobs. That’s got nothing to do with their political views, it’s just an observation. Some of their opinions are not based on reality or logic.

In any case, the recent release of audio tapes in which Mr. Trump is having a conversation about fondling women in which she describes it as the locker room talk is blowing my mind. Not necessarily that he has said these things, but the fact that people are so brainwashed by political ideology that they’re willing to look the other way.  Truth: Men discuss how they are attracted to women. They may even have conversations about their physical features, but insinuating that because of your notoriety, you can physically abuse them without consequence and bragging about it, is a whole ‘nother ball of wax. People are making it out to be harmless guy talk. That’s not even the case. There’s guy talk and there is a sexual predator talk and I feel that is exactly what was going on. Since the release of that audio other women have come forward. Of course, they are going to be subject to skepticism because of the timing. It’s unfortunate on many fronts because it takes away from the focus that needs to be on the issues facing our country and the direction we want to take it. It’s unsettling that people are willing to look the other way simply because they are trying to win an election.

Kap

As you may know, Colin Kaepernick, a QB for the San Francisco 49ers,  is staging an ongoing silent protest by kneeling when the national anthem is played before each game. He is protesting the unfair treatment of Blacks by the police across this country.The problem is that people have a strong objection to his tactic and are extremely vocal about it but no one is focusing on the reason for the protest. Some of that is by ignorance but some of that is by design. By design I mean there is a concerted effort to suppress awareness and tame reaction to the brutality being inflicted on people of color across America. Instead the focus is placed on Colin and labeled disrespectful or unpatriotic. I thought America stood for freedom of expression but I guess that right doesn’t extend to people of color. I have yet to see the people that have an issue with the protest address the topic of police brutality for what it is. In other circles the whole idea of protesting against the police is colored as no respect for the law. Protesting police brutality is the very definition of support for the law.

In other news

I have been trying out new DAWs to replace Sony Acid Pro. I’ve had limited success. Either they were too complicated, ugly or just not as intuitive so for now I’m back.

I put together a few tracks that I hope you will enjoy

The lyrics of this song came from a conversation I was having with a friend that said Dennis Edwards voice reminded them of me. (massive compliment thank you). As always, this track is a tribute to artists that are very influential to my life…Jimi Hendrix and Herbie Hancock.

Eyes wide shut


Disclaimer: The following may cause disorientation, vertigo and/or slight panic. If you currently suffer from any of these symptoms for any medical or psychological reasons, do not continue. 

What I am about to show you can have an impact ranging from mild curiosity to altering the way you view reality. 

The first thing I can guarantee is that even after reading the disclaimer, none of you will have stopped reading. Your curiosity won’t let you. Right now even if you wanted to, you couldn’t stop reading this sentence. You’re hearing these words in your mind as you read them and at the same time, anxiety and tension is starting to build up over finding out what the hell I’m talking about. 

Okay, now that I have your attention, let’s continue…

Follow these instructions very carefully!

Close one of your eyes and continue to read until otherwise instructed.

As you read this sentence I want you to focus on everything you can see without looking away. Just stare at this line for a moment. Now without moving your head, look around and analyze everything that you can see with that one eye. 

Okay, now switch eyes and repeat the same process. Become very aware of everything that you can see without turning your head.

 Are you feeling anxious yet?

Of course not you’re probably annoyed thinking this is bullshit, what has this guy got me doing? Trust me just follow these instructions and you’ll understand. 

Now, open both your eyes. 

Blink a few times. 

I want you to answer this simple math question, what is 2+2?

I’ll give you a second. I know you’re probably thinking this some kind of trick to this, but there isn’t. 

The answer is of course 4.

Now remember when you were reading this with one eye and you could see your nose? Where is it?

It’s still there. But you have blocked it out. As you’re reading this you’re becoming aware of it and it’s starting to interfere with your reading. But you will soon notice that you can control it. It may be a little disorienting at first. 

You do this all the time without realizing it. 

This doesn’t just happen with your eyes, it happens with your entire body. Where is your foot? Your elbow? Your ear? 

 Your brain is actually aware of everything that’s happening around you at all times , but you control what you want to process in more detail. 

 Think about this for a while, and as you’re thinking I want you to start to become more aware of what’s around you. Practice this everyday and you will start to soon realize that you have been walking through life with your eyes and mind half open. 

Pass this on to a friend.