Slippin’


I can’t believe it.

Not a single like on my last post….deep. Is this the end of a love affair?? Is it something I said?

So much craziness going on. I don’t even want to go there. I was reading this post on Reddit about how people found out their significant other was cheating on them. I was tempted to drop the story there but I figured I’d share with you. Before I begin, I have to state that this is just one of a few situations where I was cheated on but this was one of the most damaging.

I met this woman online towards the end of my downward spiraling marriage. Thing is, it wasn’t even something that I even took seriously at the time. We met in a chat room. She was going through some shit with her boyfriend. She had 2 kids by him and he was fucking around with some other chick, not coming home, beating on her..all that. She was very articulate, intelligent and not bad looking. Everyone said she looked like Jennifer Connelly (she did). In the beginning it was just a sharing of the souls kind of thing. She lived in Australia and I was all but divorced living a miserable isolated life. It seemed safe because of the distance. We talked for 2 years before we agreed we needed to meet. Being the one with the means, I booked a trip to Hawaii and had her meet me there. We hit it off immediately, like literally at the airport. The whole thing was surreal. Things just progressed from there. I spent time in Australia and she here. It had gotten so serious that we were trying to work out who would move so we could live together.  There was the whole situation with her kids. Their father was being a dick about letting them coming to the states. He had moved and had gotten married. His new wife was also pregnant. So I’m like, what’s the deal? Let it go. I’m not trying to replace him as their father but I would be responsible for them as if they were my own. Sooo..one trip to Australia, we both decided to get tattoos. It was a first for both of us. I got one on my shoulder and she got one on her lower back..a blue dragon. During that trip, her ex was being extremely dickish and pestering. He kept texting her nonsense. It got so bad that we got into a heated argument over it. I was like why are you even responding to him? The kids were at her mom’s so if he needed any info on them, he should call her.. (red flag). Anyway, we patched things up and I proceeded to find a house for us. When she came here, to check it out, I didn’t see the same enthusiasm that she had all along about our future. I chalked it up to having to face the reality of leaving home for real. It wasn’t until she went home that I found out why. One day I was online looking at her Myspace page and I saw comments from him. So I took a look at his page. In his pictures was a shot of her tattoo..taken from her naked body. I fucking lost it. I confronted her with it and she just confessed and said that they’d slept together. I was devastated. Then came the bomb. She was pregnant. If there are levels of done, I was at the ultimate level of completely and utterly done. That shit hurt but in retrospect, I have to consider myself fortunate that it happened when it did. She could have lied and said the kid was mine (he was Black also). I dodged a nuclear bomb to be honest.

Ok so, as usual I will share some music with you. A new tune and remixes of some older takes

 

 

Return of the Merman


You ever feel like everything is fucked up and you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and then you meet someone who, for a moment, makes you feel like yourself again?

That is the theme behind this song. It is a piece that got its name from a Jimi Hendrix song, 1983 (A Merman I should turn to be).

Feelings can be overpowering and suffocating. You can literally drown in your own mind. It is then that we feel most alone, most vulnerable.

It’s amazing that when you look at it from a distance, it is something that ultimately you have control over.  This piece speaks to a moment when you connect with someone who empowers you to feel joy in the midst of self defeat and take control of your destiny…

Mind dump


It’s been a while as usual. I’s sitting her drinking a bottle of Muscadet, like I know WTF that means but it’s not bad. Not too sweet and I have a nice buzz. I’m not a wine drinker at all really. I’ve just run out of weed and I need to relax.

Ever since I dedicated myself to a vegetarian lifestyle, I have all this extra energy that I need to channel. I’m not going into the why’s and therefores because I’m quite sure you’re tired of hearing about it but I  needed to save my life. No joke.  So, the other day I was in Sam’s at the checkout and I was super-hyped. I had all this energy and couldn’t stand still. At one point I heard this sound behind me and I spun around to see what it was and turned back around. So the teller was like “You alright?”. I was suddenly conscious of how odd that might have looked and then she said “you’re over here doing the electric slide”. I busted out laughing. That shit was funny. I couldn’t even protest because she was on point.  I had to laugh because I realized how odd i must have looked.

So, yesterday I picked up the new AppleTv.  Shit is the joint. The thing I like the most is the remote. With Siri, it’s like having total control over what ever you want to see or hear. It doesn’t require line of sight. I tested it by using it in the attic and was blown away that I could control my music selection from up there.

[Continued 4/9]

Sorry, but I had to pause..where was I? AppleTV..yes. If you’re not one of those people who just hates Apple products don’t bother continuing, but if you enjoy the experience, I strongly suggest you pick up the new model. They are working more towards integrating the TV experience into the overall Apple platform. There’s a few new apps specially designed for the TV that I’m experimenting with. I will give a final review in a few days.

This is all part of my cord cutting initiative. Cable companies have been gouging us for decades with often mediocre programming. Now that there are other options available via streaming, they are scrambling to maintain their customer base. I went through major drama with Verizon trying to shut off my FIOS tv. Their billing system is atrocious. They will rip you off if you don’t stay on top of it. Now that they’ve outsourced a lot of their phone reps, it’s a fucking disaster trying to get things sorted when you have issues..Bottom line is that they wanted to charge me for a month of service I never used. after many calls, I finally got it straightened out but I’m done with them for any new business unless they get their act together.  How’s cutting the cord you ask? For me it’s perfect. I prefer being in control of what I watch. The cable companies are trying to hold on by making it a requirement to have a cable account to stream but that model does not scale for today’s consumer. Starz realized this and is right out the gate offering stream access to their programming. I see that as the beginning of the end for the other channels. It’s only a matter of time before individual customized programming takes over completely.

Musically, I’m still working on refining my sound. My focus now has been on improving the quality of my vocals. I’ve become way more comfortable and am trying a lot of new things. So far the response has been very positive. I’m looking to branch out and feature some collaborative work. I’ve got some ideas on laying some vocals down on other artists tracks. There will be some of that coming your way soon.

I’m thinking of starting dating again after my long hiatus. I’ve basically kept women at arm’s length because I was really turned off by the drama. We’ll see how that turns out..lol.

So, I hope you enjoy some of my offerings and I promise to be more engaged.  I know I say that all the time but I really will make stronger efforts.

Much love..

 

Connections


It’s been a minute. Did you miss me?

A lot is going on as always. Work continues to suck. People continue to suck. Politics definitely sucks..so we won’t be talking about any of those things.

I cheated on my diet. It was a combination of working all day and not shopping then being hungry and having nothing in the house. When it’s late and you’re tired and just want something to chow down on and crash, your options can be limited. Alright..if you’re lazy and hungry you might find yourself making poor choices. It wasn’t like I didn’t try. If you call sitting in the car muttering to yourself trying. That’s what I did. I convinced myself that I would pick the lesser of many evils and get a fish sandwich…Ok maybe a combo, but my intentions were not to eat any meat so i figured the bulk of the meal was not flesh and I needed to take a shower and sleep. I will say this. It was horrible. Not only did it taste like crap, I was consumed by guilt. I thought to myself, maybe I should gag myself and puke it back up as punishment. Then I said, no, that’s crazy..that’s how bulimia starts, don’t even go there. side note: I dated someone that had this issue. It wasn’t pretty.

So as with all relapses, this started becoming a habit. And with each instance, the excuses became more and more acceptable until I’d reach a point of regression. I went to Popeye’s and got this frigging 10 piece special. As I was eating it, I felt like a savage. I could literally see the chicken being mindlessly butchered. I thought about the moment of it’s death..that moment when the chicken realized that it was over. I felt unhinged. Mentally disturbed. I’d fallen back into the trappings of industrialized death we call fast food. I knew I was better than this. I swore I would be.

It took a little longer than I expected. The pounds came rushing back. My skin was breaking out. I was bloated, miserable, headachey and yet for a few weeks I kept it up until one day my older sister called me. We hadn’t spoke for almost 2 years with the exception of my uncle’s funeral. She called to bury the hatchet (long story). During that conversation, my brother got on the phone. I hadn’t spoken to him in as long. I asked how he was doing and he started rattling off a list of afflictions. High blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis…It was then it hit me. This is where I was headed if I didn’t get my shit back together.

It’s a vicious cycle. One that is entirely preventable with proper eating and exercise. We live in a society that is geared towards profit. Big pharma is in it for the money., If the medical industry really wanted to prevent disease, they would actively campaign against the wholesale distribution of foods that are hazardous to your health. When you think of the sugar industry in the same light as the oil industry, you will see the similarities. We are fed lies about their impact on our lives and other companies make money on that lie. Big pharma would rather sell you a pill than ban the shit that got you in that condition. I know this sounds conspiratorial; it is.  Once you accept that fact and zoom out to see the bigger picture, you will see what I mean. When you go to the doctor they will tell you, don’t drink, don’t smoke but you will do it anyway. Knowing this, they prescribe pills. This is what big pharma is gambling on.

Anyway, I shook myself out of the coma and decided to reign in my bad eating habits to regain the momentum I had before. This is where I am now. My body is not letting me off the hook easy but i have no one to blame but myself.

So. I have a birthday coming on Monday. I don’t have to work that day but it looks like it’s going to be cold as hell. This is what happens when you’re a winter baby. Your birthday can suck. If you plan parties, you have to choose wisely because nobody like coming out in the cold. Well if you live in the Northeast like me.

I’ve been working on some new music. This is what keeps me sane when I don’t go out shooting as much as I should. It’s just that at the end of a work day it’s frigging dark and cold and all I want to do is chill.  Long story short, (kinda late for that right?) I have a few shares for you. I hope you enjoy them..

 

Mirrors…


This is a track that is still in progress that I’ve posted but I wanted to share a little background as to its meaning.

This song represents a dual perspective of a love triangle, that of the guy who is in love with someone who belongs to someone else, and the guy that is in the relationship with the woman who is the object of his affection. It represents the internal struggle of a man who has come to the realization that he must walk away from his feelings of a woman who is taken out of respect even though he sees that she feels the same way. It also represents the lover who sees that his woman is in love with another and becomes aware of his failings. The mirror represents facing the truth about one’s self and accepting the consequences of their actions or inaction.

As with all my songs, this expresses a real life situation that I have faced.

I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the piece

2 Drops in a Bucket


How are you today mein kinder? This is how my dance teacher in high school used to greet us. It’s odd that I would remember that, but I have been known to retain bits of totally random useless information. Go figure.

The other day 10/21/15 was “Back to the Future Day”. I’m quite sure you’re sick of hearing about it but it struck me that in many cases whenever we have predicted how advanced we as a people will be, we always come up short. This speaks volumes on our perception of ourselves versus the reality of very slow progress. We are capable of way more than is our current situation. Today we could end hunger, poverty, war, pollution, racism, sexism..etc, but there are those in power that use these things to their advantage to stay in power. It makes me wonder if we as a people will survive our own greed.

Anyway..I just wanted to break the silence to reach out and connect I also have a couple of joints I’m working on that I want to share. The first is a combo of 2 tracks, one a house flavored track called “Get it Started”. It’s a little tribute to mi preciosa DJ and Radio host Shelli Diego. The second movement is a little piece I put together called NetFlix and Chill..I’d been hearing that term a lot and decided to try and write some lyrics around it based on the sexual tension of that situation. The other piece is just something that came from being in a situation where many of us have been, being in love with someone that’s involved with someone else that you know is feeling you.

Hope you like them..peace