The Garden State is not a location.

I was born in Brooklyn.

It was in the year 2000 that my ex wife and I decided that we’d had enough of living in the city. The constant noise, dirt, crowds, attitudes and everything else was becoming a bit too much to bear on a daily basis. I believe it’s romanticized primarily because that’s what you do when you have no choice, but it’s not healthy. Combine that environment with an asshole boss and you have a recipe for premature death.

At first we tried looking just across the George Washington bridge to shorten our commute. That turned out to be a huge disappointment. The neighborhoods that were affordable were cramped and very close to industrial complexes. I believe we were in Roselle. This was during the summer and there was an ever present acidic toxic smell in the air. I was left asking myself how is it that these people are living here? Being from New York you hear the stories about New Jersey. Typically related to the crime in Newark or the stench on New Jersey Turnpike nearest to New York City. At that time, that was primarily my impression of how living in New Jersey would be. I was ready to give up until I spoke to a coworker of mine who also lived in New York and moved to New Jersey. She said to me you have to go further south if you want anything nice for a decent price. The real estate agent agreed, so my next adventure would take me further south down into Somerset.

We looked at two houses and my ex-wife was immediately sold on the second one without even going inside. It met all of our criteria plus the neighborhood was really beautiful and peaceful.

The only problem that remained was the commute. It would take a minimum of an hour and 45 minutes on a good day for me to get to work. This would also add an additional travel expense that I wasn’t too keen on. I’ll admit that if it were just left up to me, I probably would not have made the decision to stay, but seeing her being so excited about it, (we were also having issues) I felt like it would be therapeutic.

The previous year I’d seen The Matrix. There’s a scene where Neo wakes up and realizes that he is essentially a battery. That hit home with me. It eloquently personified how I felt about living in the city. Doing the same thing day in and day out, being plugged into the corporate machine with no sense of personal identity. That contrast was not fully realized until my first day of driving home from work to our new house. Once I got past a certain point on the turnpike it was like entering another dimension. There was this sense of order and calm that overcame me. I can honestly say this is something that I did not experience coming home in Brooklyn, leaving the work stress, dealing with the mass of people on the subway, and then going home and having to tolerate noise from neighbors. Day in and day out. For the first time in quite some time I was able to really think about myself. I became more centered. The quiet allowed me to contemplate what I was doing in life. Who am I? Why do I make the choices that I do?How can I bring this new sense of peace to other aspects of my life? It was in a word transformative.

I realized that living in the city I was constantly overstimulated. My brain wasn’t getting the breathing space to function nominally. I’ve come to realize that the meditative state should be the primary operating mode and not something you try to squeeze in to a few random minutes. It is in the garden of serenity where good ideas grow.

In keeping with tradition I am going to publish a couple of shots that I have taken since I last posted. I want to take the time to thank you for indulging me and hopefully enjoying the journey.

Hurricane of Bullshit

What’s up people? As always it’s been a minute. I hope this post finds you in good health.

You know where I’m going today. I try not to be political. Actually, I wouldn’t consider it political..more like a candid observation. Unless you are fortunate and have amnesia or a tumor, you know all about Donald Trump. If you’re a fan, you should probably stop here and get a taco instead. I am not. Never have been. I am from NY. We know him well. If you don’t know anything about his background there, just google the Central Park 5. I have been in a state of total disbelief and angst since the election. Now before you mentally label me, just know that I don’t subscribe to any political party. Political parties suck. I don’t wear labels. I prefer to base my opinions on facts and my own interpretation of them. If you disagree with me, that’s cool. You’re entitled to your wrong opinion. LOL. Seriously though, people immediately get defensive if you identify with a political party they don’t like. Shit’s gotten to the point of religious fervor. People are so brainwashed by propaganda that they can’t think straight anymore. I feel like I’m in some kind of science fiction movie. Regardless of platform, I can’t believe people voted for that clown. My shoe has more sense than he does. Dude is literally the equivalent of a crooked used car salesman with access to the nuclear codes. Scary shit if you ask me. This guy has given motivation to some very fucked up people in our society. Those Nazi bastards are feeling pretty empowered as of late. They’ll still get their asses kicked but nonetheless you don’t want to encourage their brand of hate. I don’t get how you can hate someone you’ve never met that has done nothing to you and treat them fucked up simply because they were birthed on a different spot on this ball of mud or have a different shade of skin. We all know that’s really just low self-esteem showing its ugly head. You can’t give these people any light. They need to stay in the dark..silenced. Stupid only breeds stupid. We’ve been through this before. The end result will be the same.

Seeing some of the stories out of Houston remind me of how much we take for granted. When you go through your day to day rituals of life, the last thing you think of is what to do if it all came crashing down. I’m sure that so many people have been traumatized by this disaster and are lost as to what to do next. It annoys me to see the politicians looking to score points on the misery of others instead of helping their situation. I’m seeing reports that some are proposing tying disaster aid to Texas to the debt ceiling legislation. It boggles the mind that one could be so callous and indifferent to those poor people who have already suffered enough.
To add insult to insult, you have Joel Osteen, vulture of the religious, not offering people a place to take shelter in that big ass money trap called a church. After the outrage started making headlines, he gets on TV with that shit eating grin and plays victim. The slick bastard appeared in front of a green screen to make it look like he was on site. What gets me is that even though he’s been exposed, after this dies down people will be flocking to him emptying out their life savings. Not to go on another rant but religion is bullshit. Why would a deity that created the entire universe with a thought need you to donate money? What the fuck does a god need money for? The church fosters guilt in its followers just so that it can take advantage of their need for absolution. It is nothing more than manipulation, just like politics.

As we here in the US focus on the disaster in Houston, there are so many other people around the world that are suffering from floods. The effects of climate change are becoming more and more devastating. Big oil is going to make sure that people are mislead and kept in the dark as to their role in the massive loss of life across this planet.

It will only be a matter of time before the lie has nowhere to hide..

A Share
I don’t have any musical offerings today but I have a couple of short videos I put together that I posted on my Instagram feed (@THP_PIX) and hosted on Vimeo

This is a tribute to my dear friend Lira aka Lola the Showgirl. She recently decided to drop from Twitter and IG. Whatever reasons, she is missed and I hope her journey is fruitful:


Lira from The Hargett Project on Vimeo.

This is a tribute to Nigerian model Uche Mba. I wanted to do soomething to celebrate women of color that do not get the mainstream exposure they deserve

Uche from The Hargett Project on Vimeo.

In that same spirit, another celebration of beauty

Beauty Is In The I from The Hargett Project on Vimeo.


Swing an episode..

Clinical depression is very hard to make people understand sometimes. Anyone that suffers from it knows exactly where I’m going. Having to explain that it isn’t “being sad”. That you have no control over what I call “episodes”. I have learned to manage them to a certain degree. During these phases I am especially keen on emotional triggers that can intensify that feeling of dread and emptiness. I find that certain distractions can help. Walks and fresh air help to some degree. I go through this mantra where I repeat in my head that what I am experiencing is not emotion but a reaction to chemical stimuli. That distinction helps me to make it to the other side. It is not foolproof. There are times when I become overwhelmed and I have to let go. It is frightening because I don’t want to get to a place where I want to hurt myself. I’ve been there. Once a very long time ago, I tried to end my life but luckily I was too stupid and just ended up very sick. I have to be conscious of the paths my mind can take. For me it helps to stay present but distracted. Weed helps but I have to be very selective on what I’m smoking. For those of you that don’t know this, not all weed is the same. Some can actually trigger depression. You have to know your body if you’re using weed as therapy. This is why I feel it is imperative that we legalize and make weed available to everyone so that they can educate and identify the strains that are best for them. Orgasms help. They release endorphins that help counteract your imbalance. This is a tough one though. It’s hard to get in the mood for sex or masturbate when you feel like there’s a hole in your soul.

Why am I going on about this? Well, yesterday I was posting some old videos on Instagram that I was unable to publish because of their new copyright policy. I found out that if you just sign that you are not in violation, then they will repost. I’m not trying to profit and I give credit to the artist in my tags so I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Anyway, I found this video I put together when I was feeling particularly emo over missing people that I have lost in my life. I decided to publish it but I was in the beginning phase of an episode and that shit hit me hard. I deleted it but I was triggered and I knew I was in trouble if I couldn’t clear my mind. I decided to knock myself out with a couple of glasses of wine (this is dangerous by the way). I have a low threshold so I knew it wouldn’t take much to get me drowsy. I managed after a few hours to go to sleep but I had fucked up dreams and woke up having slept with my bracelet on. I had my hand under my face and the metal had been pressing on the bone surrounding my eye socket. I was like wtf. That shit hurt. I was still feeling out of it. I tried to front it off but it wasn’t working. I should have taken the day off but I decided to work anyway. Bad move. Plus I was kinda fucked up to people that I care about so that wasn’t helpful either. It’s taken me a whole 24 hours to get where I am now where it’s manageable. I just wanted to share with the hopes that someone else out there might benefit from knowing they are not alone and maybe, just maybe it will strengthen their resolve.

So in the spirit of happy thoughts and appreciation, I have this little video I found that I have posted before..somewhere. It’s a mini tribute to some of my Tweeps that are dear to me.

Breaking free

I was married for 11 years. Things deteriorated in the last four years of my marriage to a point where there was almost no communication. We slept in separate rooms for the last year and a half. It was an ugly an uncomfortable situation. There were many factors involved in why that happened. My primary reason was the changing behavior of my ex-wife. She had surgery to remove her ovaries and as a result required hormones. She refused to take anything and as a result her personality changed dramatically. She effectively was going through menopause. She would snap at me for trivial things. We argued a lot. It took some time before I accepted the fact that I needed to do something drastic. I can remember a conversation that I had with a friend of mine. I told her essentially everything about my relationship and how I was miserable. She made it seem so easy when she asked, why don’t you just leave? She said that I should not waste my life being with someone that did not deserve it. I needed to be happy in my life. This may sound pretty obvious but when you’re inside of a failing relationship, and you’re goal is to try to make it work, you tend to forget about yourself. I know so many people in the same situation. My only advice is to let them know that it doesn’t get better. Once you reach the point of complete dissatisfaction with each other, there’s no magic bullet that will take you back to the intensity that you felt when you were dating. At minimum I would try a trial separation to see if that time apart can equalize things, but I wouldn’t put too much confidence in that happening. Experience teaches me that once you do get back together you eventually end up right back where you were when you left. In any case, we had reached a point of no return. I said to my ex-wife that I wanted a divorce and that I would work with her to make it as painless as possible. That didn’t go as well as I planned. I’m explaining that situation to give you a background on the topic of why I am writing this post. It was during that last year that I discovered something about myself that I was completely unaware of. I had become so conditioned to being in that relationship that I had lost all contact with my inner self. During that time I decided to concentrate on things that made me feel better about me. As I said, my ex-wife and I were not talking. Even when we did, we really didn’t have that much in common with respect to the things that I like to do. Our relationship was focused on her objectives more so than mine. I blame myself for allowing that to continue once I saw it was going in that direction but again, it was one of those situations where you’re trying to salvage the relationship at any cost. The relationship becomes bigger than your personal desires. The outward image of maintaining a stable marriage became my focus. As I mentioned before, we slept in separate rooms. My room was a bedroom/office. It was there I spent most of my time online. I was new to online chat. I really had no concept as to the rules of engagement in chat rooms. I was bored so I decided to investigate. At the time yahoo was the big thing. I decided to go into one of the chat rooms looking for advice. That decision would change the course of my life. Initially I would go into the chat room and spectate. That graduated into small conversations. Then I became familiar with what we called “regulars”. These are people who spent considerable time in the chat room. We became friends and shared some very personal details about ourselves. It was okay because it was anonymous. This room was called advice central. Here people would come seeking advice on anything. It was interesting because of the types of questions that people would ask. I would legitimately try to offer advice from my life experience when applicable. It was through this scenario that I met Niki. Nikki was a single mother of two young boys who lived in Australia. She was going through a very difficult time with her children’s father. She had resorted to drinking. He had started getting violent with her. So she would come into the chat room just to talk. Eventually that led to us having private conversations. We connected and I offered as much advice as I could from a distance to her. Things took a dramatic turn when he had been drinking and he attacked her. She had him arrested and he had to move out of the apartment. He took all of the furniture and she, not working, had no way of replacing it. He even took the television from his own children. I thought that was insane and I bought her a replacement and a bed for them to sleep in. We got closer. We connected on many levels. Our conversations got intense and continuous. We spent a lot of time on WebCams talking to each other. I really liked her but the reality of that situation going any further seemed remote because of the distance between us. Then things at home took a turn for the worse. I went to a party for a friend of mine and my ex-wife, thinking I was going to see another woman, decided to try to have me arrested falsely by saying I tried to run over her with my car. That turned into some serious drama. It was a major turning point for me. Realizing that my freedom could be in jeopardy I decided to spend as little time there as possible while we went through the divorce process. It was time for me to take a vacation from work. Nikki and I had discussed meeting during our conversations. Being motivated by the escalation of insanity in my current situation, I decided to put that plan into action. We decided that we would meet at a halfway point between her and myself, which turned out to be Hawaii. I thought long and hard about that decision. I chickened out quite a few times before actually making it happen. I was technically still married but there was no reconciliation happening between us. We agreed that it would just be a trip to meet each other and keep things on the platonic level. She needed to get away from her situation and I needed to get away from mine. I can remember the moment I booked the flight. I said to myself, “I can’t believe I’m doing this”. I bought her ticket and I told her that if for any reason she felt unsure about coming, don’t do it. I booked us a room that had separate bedrooms. We didn’t want this to be a hook up. The day I left I remember sitting at the airport which was fairly empty. It was around 1 AM in the morning when my flight was scheduled to leave. I put on some music that I had on my iPod that she had picked out for me. The first song was by Coldplay, “The Speed of Sound”. That moment was a huge turning point in my life. It was a moment where I had actually gone through with something that I was uncertain of the outcome, but took a chance on happiness. The reason I’m sharing this particular moment with you is because I learned that sometimes you have to step out of the zone of the familiar in order to achieve what you really want in life. Be bold. Take a chance. I will tell you the rest of the story later…



Hi everybody. It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog of substance. A lot is going on. Currently I’m on vacation, so I have a little more time to devote to my personal endeavors. The first and foremost being my music. If you look, you will see that I have posted some new tracks recently. Please check them out and hit that like button if you feel so inclined. Seriously though, it’s the only way I know whether or not you are appreciating any of the work that I have done. Your feedback is vital to me because it helps to steer me creatively.
First, let me start off by saying happy holidays, if you are so inclined to celebrate during this time of year. I am an atheist, but I do want to share some positive vibes with you. This may come as a shock to some, but it is something that I have felt for a long time. I know this is offensive or disappointing to some of my family and friends, but I’ve come to this understanding on my own and I’m comfortable with my decision. I hope it doesn’t become a wall between us. It is actually through my lifelong curiosity about religious practices that I have come to this point of understanding. This is the first time that I publicly stated my position. I am doing this is because I want total clarity and honesty between myself and anyone that I interact with. So consider this, for lack of a better phrase, a coming-out party.
A few things have happened to me recently that I wanted to share with you. One of which has to do with the reason I am posting this blog. I have a writer, Ksenia Anske (@kseniaanske), that I follow on Twitter. She is a prolific and enthusiastic tweeter. One day I decided to read her blog. It was one of the best things I’ve done for myself recently. In her blog she discusses the creative process, writing motivation and things of that nature, but what makes it special is the enthusiasm that comes across when you read it. I was inspired by it and it reenergized my drive to express myself. I had come to a place mentally where I had lost interest in posting because I didn’t feel the effort to maintain it was being justified due to the small amount of people that read it. I lost focus on the reason why I posted in the first place. It isn’t about how many people read it, it is about self expression. So I was reenergized as I mentioned before and I am very grateful for that experience. I suggest that you take the time and visit her blog yourself and hopefully you will get something positive out of it as I did. To be honest, what drew me to her was the fact that she resembles my ex-girlfriend. That may be due to the fact that they share a common ancestry, my ex was part Russian and she’s Russian. Hmmm..Come to think of it, they also share that quirky enthusiasm about reading and writing…but let me not drift off of my point, that being, it is profoundly important to give yourself a vehicle for creative expression and to stick with it!
Another one of my followers posted a link to this documentary that she was rather impressed with stating that people are blind that they really need to check out this film. Out of curiosity I asked what was the subject matter? Turns out she was referring to “Zeitgeist”, a documentary that was done in 07 regarding religion, 9/11 and conspiracy theories related to the 9/11 incident. (There are, to my understanding, addendum’s to this original documentary online as well.)
The first section of the documentary deals with the greatest story ever told, also known as the story of Jesus Christ. It goes to show the connections between the writings in the Bible and earlier myths in other cultures. This is something that I was exposed to as a child. I wondered why there were so many similarities between a lot of the things that I had read in Greek and Egyptian mythology and the Christian faith. If one is honest and looks at this with an open mind they will see the connection. This confirmed a lot of the things that I had known already but filled in some of the gaps that I had in my understanding. That was very refreshing.
Getting to the section on the 911 incident. There are some serious questions that need to be answered regarding what happened there. I worked in the Wall Street area for 13 years. I actually saw them building the world trade center. I am not by any stretch of the imagination an engineer but there are certain things that I know, based on the laws of physics, that completely discredit the official explanation of what happened. If you review the footage and the statements of people that were there that day, you will come to the same conclusion that something is not right. Let’s start with building seven. That building was not hit by the plane. It did have fire on two floors but was not touched by either plane. That building collapsed as if it were being destroyed as part of a controlled demolition. The same with both towers. I ask this question, how is that possible? How is it possible that a building that was built to withstand a collision with an airplane, collapsed in a controlled fashion where there was nothing but dust? Just ask yourself, when have you seen an airplane crash into a building and reduce it to powder? I went to the site a couple of days after the incident occurred. There was still stuff smoldering in that pile. Why was that? All I ask you to do is to look at that section of the video with an open mind and try to eliminate the questions that have been asked. You won’t be able to do it because we have been lied to. I will be the first to admit that I was highly skeptical when I heard that people were suggesting that there was some sort of conspiracy involved with respect to 9/11. Conspiracies tend to emerge after major incidents but that does not mean we should completely dismiss them. It is the first mission of the conspirator to marginalize the people that have uncovered their deception. Just remember this one simple rule: if things don’t add up something is missing.