Recap of the recap


LOL. This title because it reminds me of someone I work with that excessively paranoid about what we are expected to say in future meetings. He feels we need to have prep meetings for meetings then recaps of meetings, hence a recap of the recap.

It’s been a while since my last post. I think maybe I’ll stop saying that because that tends to be the case most of the time. So, what’s going on? Since my last post I have completely abandoned my efforts to maintain a vegetarian lifestyle. As expected, the results have not been good. I’ve put on weight again and I feel like shit. This is compounded by the fact that I fell in the shower a few weeks ago and busted my ass. My back is destroyed. I can’t walk longer than 10 minutes at a time without having to sit down. I am working on this it’s not going as smoothly as I would have anticipated. For exercise, i’ve been taking daily walks in the park which brings me too my current situation. I took a few days off from work and I’ve been spending some of that time just relaxing and enjoying being home. Right now I am in Princeton sitting in front of Schiede Caldwell House (don’t ask), people watching. It’s a fairly overcast day. It looks like it may rain but apparently there’s no rain in the forecast. It being early fall I came down here to see if I could get some pictures. There are some really beautiful side streets that have canopies of trees over them. It’s a little early so I have to come back later.

I have a few things that I want to get off my chest as it may be. The first of which has to do with politics. My political position would be labeled as liberal I guess. I don’t do groups. I feel for any given problem you need to attack it based on independent non-biased thought, not an agenda formed by other peoples opinions. I don’t like labels because no one remains the same from day today and it’s illogical to form summary opinions about people.

My issue is with Donald Trump. Not the fact that he represents a given political view, it is because I don’t even think he should be in the conversation. He’s completely unqualified. You don’t have to go far to find any number of reasons why that is the case. I’m from New York originally , so I’m familiar with his bullshit whereas as people cross the country may only know him by name and the Trump brand. That guy is such a loser. I’m not saying this because of his political affiliation, I’m saying it because it’s true. The sad thing is that people are allowing that group mentality to override their sense of logic. What’s weird is that at the beginning of the campaigns, no one took him seriously, not even his own party, but as time passed, that slowly became irrelevant. I may have serious disagreements with some of the other candidates, but I would consider most of them more competent to be a president than this guy (except for Michelle Bachmann..she’s a bona fide nut case). It seems to me also that the Republican Party is attracting a lot of nut jobs. That’s got nothing to do with their political views, it’s just an observation. Some of their opinions are not based on reality or logic.

In any case, the recent release of audio tapes in which Mr. Trump is having a conversation about fondling women in which she describes it as the locker room talk is blowing my mind. Not necessarily that he has said these things, but the fact that people are so brainwashed by political ideology that they’re willing to look the other way.  Truth: Men discuss how they are attracted to women. They may even have conversations about their physical features, but insinuating that because of your notoriety, you can physically abuse them without consequence and bragging about it, is a whole ‘nother ball of wax. People are making it out to be harmless guy talk. That’s not even the case. There’s guy talk and there is a sexual predator talk and I feel that is exactly what was going on. Since the release of that audio other women have come forward. Of course, they are going to be subject to skepticism because of the timing. It’s unfortunate on many fronts because it takes away from the focus that needs to be on the issues facing our country and the direction we want to take it. It’s unsettling that people are willing to look the other way simply because they are trying to win an election.

Kap

As you may know, Colin Kaepernick, a QB for the San Francisco 49ers,  is staging an ongoing silent protest by kneeling when the national anthem is played before each game. He is protesting the unfair treatment of Blacks by the police across this country.The problem is that people have a strong objection to his tactic and are extremely vocal about it but no one is focusing on the reason for the protest. Some of that is by ignorance but some of that is by design. By design I mean there is a concerted effort to suppress awareness and tame reaction to the brutality being inflicted on people of color across America. Instead the focus is placed on Colin and labeled disrespectful or unpatriotic. I thought America stood for freedom of expression but I guess that right doesn’t extend to people of color. I have yet to see the people that have an issue with the protest address the topic of police brutality for what it is. In other circles the whole idea of protesting against the police is colored as no respect for the law. Protesting police brutality is the very definition of support for the law.

In other news

I have been trying out new DAWs to replace Sony Acid Pro. I’ve had limited success. Either they were too complicated, ugly or just not as intuitive so for now I’m back.

I put together a few tracks that I hope you will enjoy

The lyrics of this song came from a conversation I was having with a friend that said Dennis Edwards voice reminded them of me. (massive compliment thank you). As always, this track is a tribute to artists that are very influential to my life…Jimi Hendrix and Herbie Hancock.

The Project


Today was the first time since I moved into this house that I stayed in the bed all day. I was sick during the week and I had to shovel Saturday morning with the cold. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into because for the rest of the day I was done for. I am just thankful that we didn’t suffer any power outages. Actually this storm was not as bad as it could have been here.
As I mentioned before, I spent all day in bed watching television. The reason that is so remarkable is because I hardly ever watch television. Ever since I bought the television I have in my bedroom, I can say that I have watched it less than 50 times and it’s been here for about 2 almost 3 years. The first part of the day I watched the Investigation Discovery channel. They featured stories about women who resorted to violence in their relationships. The show was called “wives with knives”. I actually learned something about relationships from watching that show. I already knew that the relationships we have with our parents and others as we grow up affect the type of person that we seek out. What I learned was something that puzzled me about the motivation for cheating in a relationship. People in relationships that are safe tend to get bored. By safe I mean their partners are doing what is expected of them in a relationship. If a person has low self-esteem issues, they tend to stray because they are looking for that ego boost. Some people are completely incapable of monogamous relationships. When I look back on women that I have gotten involved with, most of them have been very insecure at some point. I would be the safe guy. I would do everything that I thought a partner should do, but they still cheated.
When I was going through my divorce, I started talking to someone online. Our relationship grew very quickly. She was in an on and off relationship with the father of her two children. He was very abusive to her and she resorted to drinking quite a bit. Initially my relationship with her was one of friend and mentor, trying to help her feel more secure about herself. Both of us were emotionally vulnerable. She lived in Australia. My thought was that nothing would ever become of that because of the distance between us. As my ending marriage disintegrated, I got more emboldened and decided that I needed to get away from the stress. During one of our conversations, I half jokingly suggested that we should meet halfway. The halfway point between Australia and here turned out to be Hawaii. Things with my ex-wife were horrible and I was spending a lot of time away from home in hotels and so on. So one day I decided I’d had enough and I would no longer going to allow my situation to be a burden to me. The divorce was imminent so I didn’t consider myself married anymore. It was just a formality. There’s a lot behind that but I won’t go into that right now. I sent her a ticket and met her in Hawaii. Everything was beautiful. We hit it off and decided that we were going to go forward with the relationship. Of course the logistics of her being in Australia and me being in the United States was an issue, but it was not something that was insurmountable. Eventually I got the divorce and moved into a condo. I started flying back and forth to Australia to meet her and she would come here to meet me. During that time we decided we were going to try to make a family. The problem was her two little boys and their father. He was totally against letting them travel to the United States. We worked out a plan that would include her going to school and I wanted to buy another house. I bought the house and she came here to be with me initially. I could sense something was wrong because she kept hedging on making the next step. Her ex had gotten remarried and had a baby on the way. I couldn’t understand what the problem was because he had moved on. Long story short it turns out that she was still seeing him. One day I found out that she had gotten pregnant by him and I was devastated. I’d just bought a house for all of us to live in and all of my plans went down the drain. I never really understood why she would keep going back to him until today. She had low self-esteem issues. Even though she had moved on and had someone new in her life, the failure of her relationship with her babies’ father damaged her ego. I consider myself fortunate. That could have gotten really ugly. On the plus side, I got to travel to a place that I would not have even considered going. Doing that was liberating and it changed who I am as a person today. It is one of the contributing factors to my producing music. As a matter of fact one of the first songs that I produced was entitled “Bitter Suite“. It was my way of releasing the anger that I felt about my situation. The rest is shall we say history. What I take away from all of this is that you can turn a completely negative situation into something positive if you allow yourself to believe that you can.

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The Wish


This song is one of my new favorites. I wanted to try a little something different, as always and this song evolved in the span of just 2 hours. I was drinking at the time. That may be of relevance. This song was a bit difficult as it was just a few days since my GF left me. I suck at relationships apparently. This was part of my attempt at a catharsis. I refuse to let it destroy me. Where there was once happiness, there shall be again. It may not sound like it, but all the vocals are me. Enjoy!