It’s about 5:30 AM and I’m awake. I was having this really bizarre dream (what else is new?). I typically don’t have sexual dreams, so that’s what makes this even more unusual for me. I was dreaming about someone I had met last year at a bar. I don’t remember her name, but I called her Cameron because she looks so much like Cameron Diaz. First I’ll share the real-life story of this person. You will need that perspective to understand the dream. Like I said before, I had met her in a bar and the first time we spoke, I was pretty hammered. When I drink like that, I get very friendly. Apparently we hit it off. I saw her again, maybe a week later, at the same place. She was very happy to see me and approached me in an extremely affectionate manner, almost as if we were dating. I couldn’t remember most of our previous conversation and I was very honest about discussing that. She told me that I said that I loved her and was visibly hurt by the fact that my interaction with her now was more platonic in nature. I tried to explain to her that my saying I love you doesn’t mean I am in love with you. I wasn’t being an asshole, but it’s true. I tell all of my close friends that I love them. She was devastated and embarrassed. It was extremely awkward. Don’t get me wrong, she was an attractive woman, but I had no intention of starting a relationship. I’m just not ready for that right now. Anyway, the point that I’m making is that people react differently to hearing the words I love you. Not everyone understands that there are several degrees of love. Some are not accustomed to hearing their friends express their feelings in that manner without it having some deep sexual overtone. It can make things very weird with some people.
Okay so, that brings me to the dream. In this dream I was about to have sex with this woman. As I approached her, she started crying. She started explaining to me how she was afraid that I was going to break her heart. I was trying to console her and at the same time not lose my momentum shall we say. I could feel the warmth of the tears rolling down her cheeks. I woke up completely freaked out and wondering why out of all the people on the planet, I would have a dream about this woman. That of course led to some deep self-analysis. So I pick up my phone, and start surfing the web. I was just trying to distract myself from those thoughts and possibly go back to sleep. That led to this blog entry. I’m laying here in the dark and I’m starting to smell something burning. The smell is hard to describe. It’s almost like burning plastic, but not as intense. I realize that it must be my neighbor burning wood in their fireplace. I wonder what the fuck are they burning? This winter, which was one of the coldest friggin winters I can remember, they burned a lot of wood. We aren’t too close, but their chimney is facing the room that I am currently in, and for some reason, I am always downwind of them. (This says a lot about my window insulation), but anyway that’s what I’m dealing with right now and I wish that I were still asleep and that she’d simply went with the program..