Recap of the recap


LOL. This title because it reminds me of someone I work with that excessively paranoid about what we are expected to say in future meetings. He feels we need to have prep meetings for meetings then recaps of meetings, hence a recap of the recap.

It’s been a while since my last post. I think maybe I’ll stop saying that because that tends to be the case most of the time. So, what’s going on? Since my last post I have completely abandoned my efforts to maintain a vegetarian lifestyle. As expected, the results have not been good. I’ve put on weight again and I feel like shit. This is compounded by the fact that I fell in the shower a few weeks ago and busted my ass. My back is destroyed. I can’t walk longer than 10 minutes at a time without having to sit down. I am working on this it’s not going as smoothly as I would have anticipated. For exercise, i’ve been taking daily walks in the park which brings me too my current situation. I took a few days off from work and I’ve been spending some of that time just relaxing and enjoying being home. Right now I am in Princeton sitting in front of Schiede Caldwell House (don’t ask), people watching. It’s a fairly overcast day. It looks like it may rain but apparently there’s no rain in the forecast. It being early fall I came down here to see if I could get some pictures. There are some really beautiful side streets that have canopies of trees over them. It’s a little early so I have to come back later.

I have a few things that I want to get off my chest as it may be. The first of which has to do with politics. My political position would be labeled as liberal I guess. I don’t do groups. I feel for any given problem you need to attack it based on independent non-biased thought, not an agenda formed by other peoples opinions. I don’t like labels because no one remains the same from day today and it’s illogical to form summary opinions about people.

My issue is with Donald Trump. Not the fact that he represents a given political view, it is because I don’t even think he should be in the conversation. He’s completely unqualified. You don’t have to go far to find any number of reasons why that is the case. I’m from New York originally , so I’m familiar with his bullshit whereas as people cross the country may only know him by name and the Trump brand. That guy is such a loser. I’m not saying this because of his political affiliation, I’m saying it because it’s true. The sad thing is that people are allowing that group mentality to override their sense of logic. What’s weird is that at the beginning of the campaigns, no one took him seriously, not even his own party, but as time passed, that slowly became irrelevant. I may have serious disagreements with some of the other candidates, but I would consider most of them more competent to be a president than this guy (except for Michelle Bachmann..she’s a bona fide nut case). It seems to me also that the Republican Party is attracting a lot of nut jobs. That’s got nothing to do with their political views, it’s just an observation. Some of their opinions are not based on reality or logic.

In any case, the recent release of audio tapes in which Mr. Trump is having a conversation about fondling women in which she describes it as the locker room talk is blowing my mind. Not necessarily that he has said these things, but the fact that people are so brainwashed by political ideology that they’re willing to look the other way.  Truth: Men discuss how they are attracted to women. They may even have conversations about their physical features, but insinuating that because of your notoriety, you can physically abuse them without consequence and bragging about it, is a whole ‘nother ball of wax. People are making it out to be harmless guy talk. That’s not even the case. There’s guy talk and there is a sexual predator talk and I feel that is exactly what was going on. Since the release of that audio other women have come forward. Of course, they are going to be subject to skepticism because of the timing. It’s unfortunate on many fronts because it takes away from the focus that needs to be on the issues facing our country and the direction we want to take it. It’s unsettling that people are willing to look the other way simply because they are trying to win an election.

Kap

As you may know, Colin Kaepernick, a QB for the San Francisco 49ers,  is staging an ongoing silent protest by kneeling when the national anthem is played before each game. He is protesting the unfair treatment of Blacks by the police across this country.The problem is that people have a strong objection to his tactic and are extremely vocal about it but no one is focusing on the reason for the protest. Some of that is by ignorance but some of that is by design. By design I mean there is a concerted effort to suppress awareness and tame reaction to the brutality being inflicted on people of color across America. Instead the focus is placed on Colin and labeled disrespectful or unpatriotic. I thought America stood for freedom of expression but I guess that right doesn’t extend to people of color. I have yet to see the people that have an issue with the protest address the topic of police brutality for what it is. In other circles the whole idea of protesting against the police is colored as no respect for the law. Protesting police brutality is the very definition of support for the law.

In other news

I have been trying out new DAWs to replace Sony Acid Pro. I’ve had limited success. Either they were too complicated, ugly or just not as intuitive so for now I’m back.

I put together a few tracks that I hope you will enjoy

The lyrics of this song came from a conversation I was having with a friend that said Dennis Edwards voice reminded them of me. (massive compliment thank you). As always, this track is a tribute to artists that are very influential to my life…Jimi Hendrix and Herbie Hancock.

Done diddly done


That’s exactly how I feel right now.

My day job is that of a systems programmer. I was on call this past weekend, which means my day starts at 7 am on Saturday. This particular weekend I was working with my team to install software on the mainframe (yes they still exist). This resulted in an almost 8 hour conference call. If you’ve never had the pleasure of spending 8 hours in the phone with guys who have very thick Chinese accents, I suggest you try it as an alternative to lethal injection. I try. I really do, but their lack of flow and enunciation does something to the brain I would equate to waterboarding. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a bigot or any shit like that. I actually like these guys, but we need to find a better way to communicate. Add to this problems with the install that no one understood why was happening and the internal dread that if this shit doesn’t work, I will be getting called all hours of the night.

After this marathon of madness, I decided to take advantage of the weather and get some yard work done. I totally forgot to wear a facemask and I paid the price. My nose was completely clogged from the pollen which resulted in a sinus headache. Later that evening I decided to have a drink just to relax and passed out, only to be woken up at 2 AM due to a system problem ( I knew that shit was gonna happen). I was on that call until 8:30 AM. I was out of it all Sunday but I refused to sleep because I knew it was going to destroy my sleeping pattern. I took today off so now I’m in recovery mode. It actually turned out to be a rather beautiful day but I’m feeling kinda through. I went to my favorite spot at the marina to unwind and meditate. That was short lived. This area is apparently a favorite place to visit by people caring for groups of the mentally handicapped. I was in my zone when a large group came near where I was relaxing and started screaming and shit. One dude was yelling something about tortellini. I’m like no, this isn’t working so I came back home. It’s like the universe is conspiring against me.

Grinching


Lol. Sometimes I crack myself up. Especially after a couple of drinks. Anywho, It’s that magical day of the year, Friday. A lot of people are celebrating Christmas, for me it’s a chance to relax.

My house is always cold. In the summer, it’s hard for me to tell how warm it is outside because it stays so cold in here. Right now it’s 75 degrees in here and it’s freaking December. What concerns me about global warming is that it may be worse than we realize. The reason for that is because of the Climate Agreement recently signed by 195 countries. Since when have you known that many countries to cooperate on something? Yeah exactly. We have reached a fork in the road of our destiny. All it takes is for people to have the courage to trust the facts and act.

This has been a very mind blowing few weeks for me processing all of the scientific achievements that have been made recently. There’s been a lot of media concerning the 100th anniversary of Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Einstein is one of my heroes. When I think of him sitting in a room putting together the ideas that lead to a new understanding of gravity in his head, that just does me. I don’t live too far from his house in Princeton. I go there sometimes. It feels weird. It’s hard to imagine such a person existed.

Also I finally wrapped my head around the concepts of electromagnetism. That gave me issues for a long time. I couldn’t grasp the relationship between a field and a particle. I get it now and it kinda gives me goosebumps to think that all of reality is nothing more than intersecting fields.

So, Grinching..I define that as being hateful on Christmas and trying to destroy the mood. I’m an atheist but I get the concept and how people feel about it. The thing is, everybody does it. People that celebrate have a love hate relationship with Christmas. It’s weird in another way from my perspective as to how people do things that they feel are ridiculous but do them anyway. It’s really fascinating. It’s like a real life version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

 

 

When real life is too awesome


I had to blog this..

This video caught my eye. It’s a story of an Orangutan that kissed a pregnant woman’s stomach. Immediately people are like wow, apes know about pregnancy? duh..anyway. It demonstrates that kindness and compassion are universal

http://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2015/07/28/orangutan-kisses-pregnant-mothers-stomach-moos-dnt-erin.cnn/video/playlists/wacky-world-of-jeanne-moos/

Except…

When you are Donald Trump…this man has just demonstrated that he’s got less class than an ape..Do I even need to go there???

 

http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/29/politics/donald-trump-interview-dana-bash/index.html

 

Sassy

Is this real life???


Bienvenue, my fellow droogies. It’s been a minute (as always) that I’ve posted, so I figured I’d break the silence with a few random topics.

Donald Trump

Yes, The Donald as he’s known, has been in the news a lot lately. He is, once again, running for President and to much chagrin, is considered the most liked candidate in recent polls. This is an embarrassment to our country that we can’t do any better than this. It’s not even about political parties (which is out of control btw) but not a good reflection on our seriousness of ourselves. We have let deciding the future of our country turn into a meaningless reality show..sad

Freedom of Speech

Yes. I believe you should be able to express yourself, but on the same hand, be held responsible for your words. We can sit here and bullshit each other into a froth, but that doesn’t change the simple fact that words have consequences. I blame internet anonymity for a lot of the things that people say these days. The inconsequence of being a raging dick to someone gets some people off. I say we do away with it entirely. If you want to be free to say anything, you should be adult enough to put your name to it. Fair is fair.

Bill Cosby

People that are defending him at this point are useless to me. There is nothing in the recent disclosures that can even remotely be considered ok. Getting off on taking advantage of a woman when she is incapacitated is sick. Start there. Yes or No doesn’t even matter at that point. You have crossed a line and should be held accountable. People want to treat him special because he fostered the positive image of black folks. Well it’s not an image. it’s a reality and we should be asking ourselves why it took a fake tv show for it to be recognized. That reality has and will exist without Bill Cosby. As a society we cannot allow this image to blind us from the truth.

Caitlyn Jenner

People are upset that Caitlyn Jenner won the Arthur Ashe award for bravery. It’s not about the award. It’s just people being shitty because they can’t sign on to what it took for him to come out the way he did. I suspect there’s some homophobia blended in there as well. Secondly, its a fucking award. It doesn’t mean that one form of bravery supercedes the other. It’s kinda shitty to set up such a scenario in the first place.

Life in the Universe

I was watching Through the Wormhole the other day. The topic was the search for life. There’s a scientist that is trying to prove that alien life is already here and has been for a long time. He’s done experiments to capture lifeforms in the upper stratosphere that are unlike any other we have seen. It makes way too much sense that life is all over the universe and gets seeded on different planets and moons. Its just a reflection of what we already know is happening right here. Our arrogance and the lies that we have been told are standing in our way of seeing the truth. Let’s hope we don’t exterminate ourselves before we come to that realization.

Okay so I owe you some photos and some music. I’ve been somewhat busy but I have some stuff to share.

This track is a departure for me. Well maybe not a departure because each song is an exploration..so lets call it a movement into the trap dub step genre, which is something I’ve been itching to put my spin on. There’s a story and a message behind it..as always.

Special shout out to Sassy Pandez (the gorgeous woman a the top of the page). This woman is special..

Pics to come soon..

Man crushed


I was laying on the couch listening to some old Stevie Wonder songs and today being Monday, a lot of folks participate in this social media theme #MCM or Man Crush Monday. (No luck on that front this way haha) But the combination had me reflecting back asking myself who were my crushes? My mind took me back to an incident that I totally buried until today that I will share.
When I was in high school, there was this girl named Crystal. She was in the music department. I believe she played the clarinet. Anyway, Crystal wasn’t the girl you’d notice at first glance, She wasn’t doe-eyed exotic or voluptuous..the types I’d usually pine for at that age, but she was average I’d say. As a matter of fact, we talked for a while before one day we were having a convo and I took the time to really check her out. She had the most perfect complexion I’d ever seen..milk chocolaty and buttery smooth. There was something about her full lips that just drew me in. I could literally hear myself saying to myself, ah man she’s beautiful. I realized that I was staring and so did she, to the point where she said, Why are you looking at me like that? Is something wrong? To which I replied, no there’s nothing wrong. I just like what I see. Mind you..this was way bold for me. I didn’t even have the time to check myself before the words just came out of my mouth. She just looked at me with this look of incredulity, like are you serious?

A little background is needed here. I was very popular in high school, but exceptionally insecure. I would joke around a lot as a means of deflection and to channel my anxiety at being the center of attention. A lot of girls found me attractive but I hated myself because of negative images put in my head about the typical black man’s features over the years. Whenever anyone would compliment me or say anything about my looks, I would get totally fucked up awkward. I convinced myself they were just saying that out of pity. So that’s why for me to say something like that to someone’s face was way way out of character. She laughed it off but her friend, Evelyn (yes, I’m calling you out too) was like, you go girl! So now we were both miserably embarrassed and changed the subject. It wouldn’t end there though.
Not too much longer after that, one day Crystal comes to tell me that she’s leaving PA (Performing Arts) and going to another school. I was fucking crushed. It was like my heart beat one big thump and then my soul left my body. I can remember us standing there in mutual disbelief of the power of that moment looking at each other in the hallway. I felt betrayed in some way. We weren’t dating or anything but it felt to me like abandonment. I struggled with those feelings for a bit and then I finally got the nerve to ask for her phone number. You see, I could tell that she liked me but was unsure how far to let it go. There were many rumors about me with girls, a lot was just talk. I had admirers but at that time, but nothing was happening with anyone else.
I can’t recall how long it was after that this situation I’m about to describe occurred. It was summer like.
I’d called and made arrangements to come by her house. I remember begging because she was very reluctant to have me over. She was fighting the feeling, I said to myself, and that’s not going to stand in my way. So off I went.
She lived in Harlem, in a housing development. I remember being intimidated that I was heading into another hood that I’d heard so many bad things about. It turned out to be nothing but hype. When I got to her place, I was greeted by her father. He was a huge individual. When he shook my hand, his hand covered my whole hand and part of my wrist. I was like wow, there is NO way I’m gonna go ANYTHING to piss this guy off. I bet if he slapped me, my sneakers would’ve come off. He was on his way to work, so we just exchanged pleasantries and he went out. Her mother was there doing something..not sure, but she was in the kitchen. Crystal was in the process of doing something with her hair. I think they were going out somewhere later, but she her hair was wet and she had a towel covering her head. She invited me into her room to talk, which I was very nervous about but went anyway. She excused herself and then came back in a tee shirt with that towel on her head. She might as well have been an Egyptian goddess. She was talking to me and I got caught again. She said, Darrell what? I’m like what what? She’s said, Why are you staring at me like that? Are you staring at my boobs? Which by the way were extremely visible and her nipples were like doorbell buttons waiting to be rung. At first I tried to restrain my mouth but I was again, caught up in the moment and just said I find you to be irresistible. She was like, stop being so damn cute and came to hug me. Then it happened. We looked at each other and I went in for the kill. I don’t know how long it was but I was completely taken away by how good this kiss felt. I’d never kissed anyone with lips as full as mine but it was incredible. She was enjoying it too. So much so that neither of us heard her mother open the door. All I heard was, Crystal..when you’re done, I want to speak with you, and she closed the door. We were like OMG! OMG! OMG! I immediately started apologizing. I was in a panic. How could I fuck this up so bad on the first move?? Her father is going to destroy me. I have to move to Canada.
It wasn’t over just yet.
She walked out, closing me in her room to confront her mother. I was sitting on her bed in total shock. I could hear them arguing. All I could make out was, get him out of my house. Needing no cue, I got myself together and started to head out. I stepped out, said to her mother, I apologize. I was wrong. I’ve disrespected your home. it was all me. I meant no harm but I will go. Crystal then did the totally unexpected. She said, No..you’re my company. You leave when I say it’s ok to leave. I’m like no no she didn’t..no she did not just nuke her mom in front of me. Realizing that a save was seriously needed in that awkward moment that followed, I said, no..You’re mother is right. I have to go and I headed towards the door, with as much intention as to end this disaster and to save my own life. Crystal then grabs me and says, “You’re not leaving without me”. I felt like I was in a bad dream that would eventually end with me getting shot at this point. Her mother roared back, “You’re not going anywhere”. To which Crystal replied, “Watch me” and proceeded to get her keys and a jacket. I was dumbfounded at this point. I’d never ever ever seen a black girl speak to her mother like that and live. She got her stuff and walked me back to the train station. We talked for a bit. I was so concerned about what was going to happen to Crystal that I would have done anything to make it better. She assured me she’d deal and thanked me for coming. I then said the magic words..I love you. She grabbed my mouth and said, “Don’t say that! Just don’t! Ok??” I was completely lost. She just kissed me and walked away. I called her later and she said she would explain. She agreed to have me come to her new school. There was a show that she was in. So I went.
It was there as we sat in the auditorium that she told me she had a boyfriend, but she liked me as a friend. No sooner than the words came out of her mouth did he show up asking her Is everything ok? She dismissively introduced me as her friend from the other school and he went on. That train ride home was one of the longest of my life..