Shots from the dome

The dark side..


First I would start by saying that I do not know why this particular memory popped into my head. This is from a very long time ago. I’m going to date myself by sharing a few things in this story. This incident happened when I was about 12. I was still in junior high school. One of my classmates was having a party at their house. It was somewhere in the projects. I can’t remember who or where exactly, but this all took place in Bed-Stuy Brooklyn. Back then all you needed for a party were colored lightbulbs, preferably red, some music and some wine. Yes wine at 12. Shit gets real fast in the hood.

 I remember being in the living room where the party was happening. It was very dark so you couldn’t make out the faces of everyone there, but you could distinguish male from female. We were a bunch of horny adolescents. There was slow music playing and your mission as a guy was to find a girl to slow dance with you. Mind you I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, but I had to play it off like I was an old pro. I remember there being a small group of girls sitting on the sofa. Daring rejection, I reached out to one of them who seemed to have a really nice body. To my surprise she eagerly accepted my invitation. I remember her holding me so tight. I remember being lost in the smell of her body. My body reacted in ways that I had never really experienced. We stayed locked together for at least three songs. At one point I felt her fingers digging into me wanting more. She let out a breathy moan that turned me on to a point where I was about to explode. I kissed her and she went with it. I’m thinking to myself, I am the fucking man. Mind you I’m only 12. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing really but it seemed so natural. As the music ended, we separated. I couldn’t think of anything else but how to take this experience to the next level.

As the party ended, we both went out into the hallway which was brightly lit. It was the first chance I got to see her face.  She was a few shades darker than me and she had this huge birthmark on her face. It looked as if she had been in a fire. I remember saying to myself holy shit but trying not to show a reaction. I knew this girl from school. I had seen her being teased relentlessly about her looks. I know what you’re thinking, looks aren’t everything, but at 12 they are every fucking thing. I was disappointed but she was so taken by the fact that some boy had found her attractive I didn’t have the heart to show it.  She was heading home and I felt the least I could do was walk her home. So I did. 

We got to her house a little brother answered the door. He asked, Who is this? Almost as if I wasn’t there. She replied, this is my friend. Mind your business! To which his reaction was, ooooh Cheryl got a boyfriend! Cheryl got a boyfriend! He yelled this at the top of his voice running down the hall in the house as we came in behind him. I was thinking to myself,  I have a little brothers and I know they are stupid so that really didn’t bother me. But what happened next is why am telling you the story. Her mother and another sister were in the kitchen. I could hear her mother saying What? What? incredulously. The three of them stood in the doorway of the kitchen staring at me in disbelief. They were literally in shameless shock that some guy liked her. Her mother insisted that I come in so she could get a good look at me. Everyone was aghast staring at me. The girl was totally embarrassed. Her mother was completely blunt. She said that she never thought that her baby would ever find a man. Mind you, I’m only 12. This was blowing my mind beyond blown. They were looking at me as if I had come from another planet. I got asked a few questions about myself my age and things. I navigated it politely and excused myself to leave. Cheryl walked me to the door and apologized for her family. She said that I was the first guy that had ever shown her any interest. She also said something that I never forgot. She said it’s OK, I know I’m ugly, but thank you for the best night of my life, gave me a hug and closed the door.  

I think I may have seen her one other time at school after this. She was too shy to speak and I didn’t pursue. It was crazy awkward and I was unprepared. 

There was a lot to learn from this experience. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about sexuality. I learned a lot about maturity. I also learned that girls were way more mature than we were at that age. I believe that it was the first time that I had seen someone tell a brutally uncomfortable truth about themselves up close. I can do nothing but respect her bravery.

Horatio’s Philosophy


Hi gang.

It’s been crazy as usual. Trying to prepare myself for this blizzard. That’s what I get for thinking Winter was over. Technically we still have another week, so I guess it’s going out with a bang.

A few things are happening. The most important is that I’m going to be using this site full time now. The company hosting my current site, Flavors.me, is going out of business. Can’t say that I’m surprised as their service sucked. The configuration options were pretty rudimentary and there were a lot of times when my content was stale. I complained quite a bit about that. I did the best that I could with it. I got some traffic but I never really got into developing it like I’d anticipated. Actually the same can be said of this site but that was more due to being busy, lazy or non-committed. That is about to change. I dunno though..do people really consume blogs like they used to? Seems to me everyone is into micro-blogging, ie Twitter these days. People are so used to instant gratification. No one seems to savor anything anymore. It’s all gimme gimme next!

I often wonder how the changes in social media and interaction affect the ability of people to be social. The allure of anonymity, the rapid spread of apathetic callous behavior has resulted in a dissonant fractured society in my opinion. People are forgetting how to be people. While social issues are given more awareness, the connections between us are becoming more fragile and less appealing. People are withdrawing into themselves.

The other day, I was going out to the store. I was looking for a jacket to wear that didn’t make me look as fat as I’ve become. I tossed on a few and decided to go with my trusty hoodie. After I’d driven a block and crossed the light, I realized that I didn’t have my phone. I’d left it in one of the jackets I’d tried on. For a moment I thought I should head back but then I questioned myself as to why. I was only going to the store. Why would I need my phone? That got me to thinking about how addicted I’d become. It was as if something was missing. Like I’d left without a part of me. As I processed that thought I suddenly realized that I was more in tune with what was going on around me. It was a very strange feeling. Almost like reliving the past. This, I said to myself, is how I used to be. This is me. Holy shit, who have I become? It was an epiphany but a short lived one. As soon as I got home, I was right back to being attached to it, having to respond to texts that I’d missed from an in progress conversation and explaining my lapse.

Another thing that I noticed is that people don’t call each other anymore. What ever happened to the good old conversation? I’m a yapper by nature. Talking is what I do best. Texting, not so good. It loses the nuance. I fucking miss nuance. Text very often gets misinterpreted and I spend a lot of time explaining what I mean by what I’m saying. It very often leads to misunderstandings that I would rather not have to navigate.

Anyway, I just thought I’d let those of you that suffer through my posts that I will be relocating my primary site here. That means you will be hearing and seeing much more of me from now on. In that spirit I am so grateful for your interest and I hope there will be beautiful partnerships as a result.

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The Twilight Zone is real


Let me start this story by explaining that I don’t consider myself to be an attractive person. Average at best but nothing to write home about. What I am about to tell you is going to be hard to believe but every word of it is true.

I think, if memory serves, this started happening to me some decades ago. I was a much better looking guy then, so it didn’t really seem is odd then as it does now. I can remember the very first day that I knew something weird was happening with me. I knew a lot of women just from DJing and hanging out in clubs. Everybody wanted to meet the DJ. So when I would be approached by a random women, I thought that was all there was to it. One night I was going to a club in Brooklyn with a friend of mine. As we walked into the crowd, this woman approached me as soon as I got in the door. She comes to me and she says, you’re the kind of man that I’m looking for. I was taken aback for a second. I was thinking that she was drunk, so I let it slide. Let me emphasize that we had just walked in the club and I had gone maybe 10 feet inside before this happened. She had not seen me until the very first time she opened her mouth. She started pulling on me saying come and dance with me. I said to her, give me a minute I just walked in and I’d  like to have a drink first if you don’t mind. Her response was I’ll be waiting for you over here hurry up. So I pivoted and headed towards the bar thinking okay this is crazy, but considered it over because I was not going back. I ordered  a drink for me and my friend. As soon as I got my glass, I felt someone pulling on my jacket. It was her. She said, are you ready now? So now I’m a little annoyed but rather than be rude I decided to dance with her for at least a song thinking she would leave me alone after. We get out on the dance floor and she starts singing to me how much she loves me. Total time from entry, maybe 15 minutes. She tried to kiss me and was very handsy. She turned her back to me while she was dancing and I walked off the dance floor. My friends ex-wife was there so I went over to talk to her to keep this woman away from me. I told her to pretend that we were together and maybe she would leave me alone. It worked but it took some doing. 

That was the first incident.

The next time I was in a club with coworkers. We had gone there for someone’s birthday. Again, I just walked into the club and over to the bar to get a drink. There was a really attractive Hispanic woman sitting there.  She had on this nice leather skirt with legs to die for. As I ordered my drink, our eyes met, and she said to me, do you think I have nice legs? I replied, was I that obvious? Yes you were, she replied. My husband doesn’t think so. He’s upset with me because I don’t have any stockings on. We had a fight so I came here. She went on to explain that they were at some restaurant and she left him there and she was there by herself. My drink arrived. I took one sip and she leaned over to me and said, take me home. I thought I was hearing things because the music was kind of loud, so I asked her what she just said. She repeated, I want you to take me home. Total time in the club maybe 30 minutes. Let me emphasize this fact, she was smoking hot. So of course me being me of those days, my mind started thinking I need to take advantage of this. I still had my jacket on and she wanted to get her coat and meet me by the door. I had to explain to my friends that I was leaving, wish the person happy birthday and we went downstairs and caught a cab. As this scenario started to unfold, my other brain started kicking in. I was saying to myself this is crazy. This can’t be happening. What if her husband is home? What am I doing? So I asked her if it was safe and she assured me that everything was OK. He can’t disturb us because I have his fucking keys. She rolled down the cab window and threw them out in the street. Total time from club maybe 45 minutes? When we got to her apartment building, the complete insanity of this whole situation really started soaking in. I started to get cold feet. I asked her if she was sure that this was a good idea to which she replied, don’t you want to fuck me? Am I not fuckable? I want to feel like a woman tonight goddamnit. Is that too much to ask? The gauntlet has been thrown, I thought to myself. I can’t punk out now. The respect of all manhood is on the table. 

When we entered her apartment she walked over to the bed, lay down with her clothes on and passed out. So, here I am in a strange woman’s apartment that I did not even know and she’s unconscious on the bed, not to mention that her husband was probably going to be really pissed if he were somehow able to get into the building and upstairs. I felt like the universe was testing me.  I stood there for maybe a minute, took off her shoes and then left the apartment. I never saw her again. 

Fast forward to now. 

Against my better judgment, on New Year’s eve eve, I went to this bar I’d been to a few times. I ran into this woman I’d talked to before. I felt safe because she had always been good company. As I was talking to her I noticed this woman standing behind her that was checking me out. The really weird thing about it was that we were having a conversation about the last time she saw me there. She said she wanted to say hi but I had all these women around me. I literally said the words to her “you know what happens when I coming in here for some reason I get molested” and right on cue the woman behind her made her move. She said, excuse me I don’t want to interrupt but I was admiring your ring. She takes my hand and introduces herself and kissed it. I felt like I was in an episode of the twilight zone. This could not be happening but it was. My friend was giving her the dagger eyes but she was not really protesting because we were just friends. I felt like it was way crazy for her to make that move, especially not knowing who I was talking to. Not to mention that she was smoking hot. No one seeing this would believe that I hadn’t slept with this woman in the past. And here I am straining to hear her name over the blaring music and the crowd noise. I said thank you and tried to recover but my friend, being a little put off, decided to excuse herself, leaving me with this firebomb. She had a very thick Dominican accent. I could barely make out pieces of what she was saying. All I know is that she had a child and she was interested..extremely interested. Odd as this may sound, I was completely turned off. I don’t mind a woman being aggressive but not rude. Secondly she went for boy on the sly. I know this is gonna sound like I’m a prude but I don’t like being felt up if I don’t know you or gave the signal that it’s okay. It makes me feel objectified. I don’t like being treated like an object. I know a lot of women believe that all men follow their dicks like compass needles, but that’s not always the case. 

I know what happens to me isn’t common and I can hardly believe it’s happening myself. I had a conversation about this with a friend of mine sometime ago and she told me it was due to my pheromones. I don’t know if I should believe that or not but it’s the only plausible answer I can think of.  It’s kind a messed up because it interferes with meaningful relationships. Women don’t trust that I’m telling the truth. They think I’m some sort of man-whore. I get it but it’s unfortunate. Like I said before I don’t consider myself an attractive person. At one time in my life I felt completely hideous and wished that women found me attractive. I guess we should all be careful what we wish for.

Are we there yet?


2016 will go down as the year of WTF. Seriously, WTF 2016? I know you’re probably as tired as I am talking about the election but it’s just that incredible. It’s got me literally walking around looking at people asking myself, are you high? We have no choice but to let it play itself out at this point. I’m embarrassed to tell the rest of the world I’m an American right now.

In any case, I hope all is well with you. I wasn’t quite done with the summer yet but fall is upon us now. It’s a favorite time of year for me because of the colors of the foliage. It’s a shame it only lasts for a few weeks. I am not looking forward to winter.

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This was from a week or two ago. The leaves are almost all down now. When the weather is nice it’s really peaceful back here. I have so much work to do for next year. I want to plant some more flowers. I read this article about the disappearing bee population. It turns out that we have been responsible for this (as usual). Bees need a variety of flora. That is how they feed and take care of themselves. We have gotten so into grassy yards, we have practically eliminated all the native species of plants that they thrive on. My goal is to re-populate my yard with many varieties of flowers and things like clover. I’m already the person with the most trees on their property. Most of my neighbors have cleared most of their plots. I don’t get why people don’t realize that trees are vital to our survival and to the ecosystem.

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The down side to having all these trees is the leaf clean up. I’ve already hurt my back from being too aggressive cleaning them up. I sit on my ass way too many hours of the day and I over compensate trying to get exercise by doing yard work. It can be a hassle but it invigorates me.

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I was in the city a few weeks ago on the East Side. I was standing on this corner and for some reason a flood of memories overcame me from all my years I spent growing up there. Just so much of my life was here and now I feel like a tourist. It’s been 17 years since I left NY. A lot has changed. It’s kinda weird going there now because it’s like I know where I am but everything has changed. You don’t really appreciate it while you’re there. It’s gradual and subtle but continuous. It’s not until you’re away for a long time that you really see how different it is. What’s always fascinated me is that there are millions of people here but everyone walks past each other in silence. People only interact if forced to.

When you think about all the politics and bullshit going on in the world, it’s like none of it applies to real life on the street. It’s always been and always will be about people going on about their daily lives. A lot of the shit we go through as a society is the work of a very few people. People generally just want to live in peace.

So I’ve been very touched by the level of appreciation I have been getting across the board for my works. People are enjoying my photos and music. This is very special for me. It feels like I am connecting on another level with people. Being able to express yourself is amazing. I strongly encourage you to do the same regardless of what you feel people may think. Expressing yourself brings you closer to yourself. It forces you to ask the question of who you really are.

I decided to organize some of my music by type. It’s kinda difficult since my mission was to blur the lines between genres, so I decided to break them into groups based on the moods I feel they represent. I’m hoping it will allow people to sample more of my music that they may like. To that end,  here’s some stuff i collected I hope you will enjoy. Try listening with headphones for the best experience.

Recap of the recap


LOL. This title because it reminds me of someone I work with that excessively paranoid about what we are expected to say in future meetings. He feels we need to have prep meetings for meetings then recaps of meetings, hence a recap of the recap.

It’s been a while since my last post. I think maybe I’ll stop saying that because that tends to be the case most of the time. So, what’s going on? Since my last post I have completely abandoned my efforts to maintain a vegetarian lifestyle. As expected, the results have not been good. I’ve put on weight again and I feel like shit. This is compounded by the fact that I fell in the shower a few weeks ago and busted my ass. My back is destroyed. I can’t walk longer than 10 minutes at a time without having to sit down. I am working on this it’s not going as smoothly as I would have anticipated. For exercise, i’ve been taking daily walks in the park which brings me too my current situation. I took a few days off from work and I’ve been spending some of that time just relaxing and enjoying being home. Right now I am in Princeton sitting in front of Schiede Caldwell House (don’t ask), people watching. It’s a fairly overcast day. It looks like it may rain but apparently there’s no rain in the forecast. It being early fall I came down here to see if I could get some pictures. There are some really beautiful side streets that have canopies of trees over them. It’s a little early so I have to come back later.

I have a few things that I want to get off my chest as it may be. The first of which has to do with politics. My political position would be labeled as liberal I guess. I don’t do groups. I feel for any given problem you need to attack it based on independent non-biased thought, not an agenda formed by other peoples opinions. I don’t like labels because no one remains the same from day today and it’s illogical to form summary opinions about people.

My issue is with Donald Trump. Not the fact that he represents a given political view, it is because I don’t even think he should be in the conversation. He’s completely unqualified. You don’t have to go far to find any number of reasons why that is the case. I’m from New York originally , so I’m familiar with his bullshit whereas as people cross the country may only know him by name and the Trump brand. That guy is such a loser. I’m not saying this because of his political affiliation, I’m saying it because it’s true. The sad thing is that people are allowing that group mentality to override their sense of logic. What’s weird is that at the beginning of the campaigns, no one took him seriously, not even his own party, but as time passed, that slowly became irrelevant. I may have serious disagreements with some of the other candidates, but I would consider most of them more competent to be a president than this guy (except for Michelle Bachmann..she’s a bona fide nut case). It seems to me also that the Republican Party is attracting a lot of nut jobs. That’s got nothing to do with their political views, it’s just an observation. Some of their opinions are not based on reality or logic.

In any case, the recent release of audio tapes in which Mr. Trump is having a conversation about fondling women in which she describes it as the locker room talk is blowing my mind. Not necessarily that he has said these things, but the fact that people are so brainwashed by political ideology that they’re willing to look the other way.  Truth: Men discuss how they are attracted to women. They may even have conversations about their physical features, but insinuating that because of your notoriety, you can physically abuse them without consequence and bragging about it, is a whole ‘nother ball of wax. People are making it out to be harmless guy talk. That’s not even the case. There’s guy talk and there is a sexual predator talk and I feel that is exactly what was going on. Since the release of that audio other women have come forward. Of course, they are going to be subject to skepticism because of the timing. It’s unfortunate on many fronts because it takes away from the focus that needs to be on the issues facing our country and the direction we want to take it. It’s unsettling that people are willing to look the other way simply because they are trying to win an election.

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As you may know, Colin Kaepernick, a QB for the San Francisco 49ers,  is staging an ongoing silent protest by kneeling when the national anthem is played before each game. He is protesting the unfair treatment of Blacks by the police across this country.The problem is that people have a strong objection to his tactic and are extremely vocal about it but no one is focusing on the reason for the protest. Some of that is by ignorance but some of that is by design. By design I mean there is a concerted effort to suppress awareness and tame reaction to the brutality being inflicted on people of color across America. Instead the focus is placed on Colin and labeled disrespectful or unpatriotic. I thought America stood for freedom of expression but I guess that right doesn’t extend to people of color. I have yet to see the people that have an issue with the protest address the topic of police brutality for what it is. In other circles the whole idea of protesting against the police is colored as no respect for the law. Protesting police brutality is the very definition of support for the law.

In other news

I have been trying out new DAWs to replace Sony Acid Pro. I’ve had limited success. Either they were too complicated, ugly or just not as intuitive so for now I’m back.

I put together a few tracks that I hope you will enjoy

The lyrics of this song came from a conversation I was having with a friend that said Dennis Edwards voice reminded them of me. (massive compliment thank you). As always, this track is a tribute to artists that are very influential to my life…Jimi Hendrix and Herbie Hancock.

One of THOSE days


I had a really shitty day yesterday. It actually started the night before as I was taking a shower before leaving to pick up my cousin at the train station. 

I really wasn’t in the mood for company to begin with. I caved because I had promised to hang out. So here I am in the shower trying to get ready in a hurry and I turned the water temperature up too high. Trust me there’s nothing quite like a high-pressure blast of scalding hot water on your genitals when you’re not expecting it. In my haste to recoil from this self-inflicted torture, I slipped and I could feel myself falling out of control. I managed to fall out of the tub onto the floor, grateful that I did not hit my head. The shower nozzle was spraying water everywhere. It was quite a mess but I consider myself lucky for not having broken anything.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon. We decided we were going to the Bose outlet to check out some wireless speakers. On the way there I stopped at the car wash. A carwash used to be manned by about 10 guys. Now it is completely automatic where there’s only one guy that stands there helping you guide your car onto the conveyor. I took some slow-motion video from inside and at the end of the wash I got out and inspected the car. The passenger-side mirror was pushed in so I straighten that out, got back into the car and proceeded to the mall. Once I got to the mall we went to the men’s room. I drove to the other side of the mall by the Bose outlet, parked, and as I walked away from the car I patted myself to find my wallet. It wasn’t in my pocket, so I returned to the car thinking it was in the seat. When I saw the seat was empty, that rash of panic over to me as I realize that I hadn’t seen my wallet since I paid for the car wash. Immediately I backtracked all of my steps at the mall realizing that time was  of the essence. I kept hoping that I had dropped it in the parking lot and no one had noticed it. That search came up empty. I drove all the way back to the car wash, and of course it was not there. 

Resigned to defeat I stood there thinking how to recover from this disaster. As I was standing there pondering, I noticed that my rear passenger side indicator was hanging off of the car. I’m like holy shit can this day get any worse? I kept telling myself to be calm. Panic is pointless. I needed to think. I started taking an inventory of everything that was in my wallet. My bank card, drivers license, both car registrations, health insurance id, store cards and a little less than $100 cash. The only thing I had between me and insanity was a mantra that I kept repeating, everything is replaceable…everything is replaceable. 

My primary concern was making sure that no one could use my card for purchases or cash. After I calm down I was actually able to figure out how to freeze it using the app on my phone. I also then realized that I could still use my phone with Apple Pay should the need arise. So my secondary concern was my ID. Can’t drive around being black without ID. So I came home and started the quest to find the six points I will need to get another copy of my license. I can also get another copy of my registration while I am there, so it is inconvenient but not a total loss. I’m just hoping that some good Samaritan will find my wallet and turn it in, mail it or bring it back to me. I can’t do anything about my ID and stuff because it’s the holiday weekend. I also realized that it has been two years to the day that my iPhone was stolen from me. So I guess that Labor Day weekend is jinxed for me. I consider myself lucky really. These are just papers that can be replaced. I still have my life. I didn’t break my neck falling out of the shower. I guess I can consider myself ahead of the game. Now I guess I am going to find out if there is any hope for mankind if someone does the right thing and turns it in. 

*Update

I was literally searching my car again to be sure I hadn’t looked anywhere and suddenly someone comes up my driveway. A little Mexican guy with an envelope in his hand. He said he was returning my wallet he found it by Pep Boys which is near the car wash where I suspected I had dropped it. I thanked him I open the envelope to give him the cash inside but it was only a dollar left. So I thanked him again. I hate to be suspicious but I think maybe he took the cash because he couldn’t look me in the eye, but that’s all cool. I was going to give it to whoever returned it anyway. So verdict on humanity?

Here we go again…


Well it’s been an interesting summer so far. It’s been very hot and humid. I’ve spent most of my time indoors. It’s starting to take a toll on me. I’ve cheated on my diet at least twice and it shows.

So I’m hoping that my biggest issue with this app has been resolved. It’s not fun not being able to backspace. I’m going to post a few pics just to share some of the things that I have worked on since I last posted. I hope you like them.