He has risen!..or so it’s rumored..


As a kid, my mom gave me this little record player that you cranked by hand that played these little plastic records. They were popular Bible stories. I used to play that thing everyday for a bit. I was actually fascinated on how the grooves in the record produced sound, but that’s another topic..

Anyway, the reason I’m bringing this up is because of the Easter holiday. What it symbolizes and all that. In short, it’s the celebration of Jesus’ return from the dead. According to the story, after Jesus was beaten, tortured and crucified, he returned from the dead, hence proving he was the son of God and bla bla bla.. I have a few problems with that story. Ok, so you’re Jesus. You just come back from the dead and you only appear to a few people? Now if the point is to once and for all prove without a shadow of doubt that you are the messiah, wouldn’t you be tempted to make a guest appearance in Pilates’ courtyard?? Or go waltzing through the town going “na-na-nana-na, you can’t kill me!!”?? But no, he chose to be all mysterious and only appear to his disciples. 11 people? come on..the greatest trick ever pulled and you only show 11 people? Ok, so there’s the other part, where as his proof he showed the wound on his hand..um..why would a guy that could heal people walk around with a hole in his hand? And what happened to the big ass holes in his feet? Not to mention he was stabbed in the side and had a thorn crown on his head..that would have been kinda obvious and grotesque. So after he’s come back, what next..he disappears and for centuries and centuries no one has heard or seen him around, well except maybe on a corn chip or as a stain on the wall. So Jesus, if you’re out there reading this blog, you get a big FAIL on the messiah thing. You know a tweet would be nice..just saying..

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